Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
