"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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