I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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