this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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