So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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