she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
