He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
