U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
