Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
