and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
