I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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