I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
