My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
