So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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