My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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