Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
