ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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