I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
