She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My penis needs a shock collar
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
