My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
