She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
