Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
