good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I deserve this hangover.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
