i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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