C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
