he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
