I molested 6 butterflies tonight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
