So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
