I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
