Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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