It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
