my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
