So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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