just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
