i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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