I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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