what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
