Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
