I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
