Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
