when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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