I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
