Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
