he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
