my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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