Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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