I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
