Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
