today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you could order shots online.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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