its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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