I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
