yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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