I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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