i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
