Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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