Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
